My flame thrower, pre-op, weekend

I got the idea yesterday that since the grass in the gravel area beside the garage had been effectively killed by the week killer I sprayed in it, I should be able to burn away the stubble to get the gravel to show. Years ago, I had bought an attachment for a propane tank that essentially turns it into a flame thrower. So yesterday evening I set out in search of that attachment. I was stumped for a while but eventually found the pieces and reassembled it. Once I got it attached to the propane tank, I tried it out. It worked beyond my expectations. I still will need to scratch the charred grass to fully expose the gravel once again, but it will make my work easier in the future as I battle the grass that is far too willing to grow in the gravel. I do not remember using the device in the past, but it will help here at the farm. I made sure I had a charged hose nearby just to ensure the burning did not go too far past where I intended it. It was a success overall. I needed a small success.

I made it through the pre-op in fairly record time considering they registered me and collected a partial payment, drew blood, did a CODID test and took x-rays. Mama was a little disappointed to have very little time to shop, but she dealt with it graciously. I did not want to stay in Denton any longer than necessary. I had not asked for any time off and I did not want to presume upon the grace offered me by my employer to make these appointments. Next week, I have scheduled the time off – one day. If it takes more time than that, we will work that out as needed. So far, the hospital charged me $2050 for their part just to allow the test to be performed. That does not include any of the doctors that will take part in that event next week. I had to wear a mask the entire time I was at the hospital, but I kept it below my nose until I was asked by the radiology tech to put it over my nose. I complied but I took off my glasses when I did comply. That was the only time anyone said anything.

I was asked if I was Dr. timothy Kline by the two nurses taking my blood and doing the initial testing for pre-op. They were worried especially after the nurse taking my blood missed the vein in my right arm. When I told them I had been a phlebotomist (the person who takes blood samples) they were really worried I was the doctor in question. I assured them I was not and that I was not offended by her missing on the first attempt. But I thought it was a funny situation.

This weekend will have some activity added that we are not normally engaged in, mostly in the delivery of the goats Saturday afternoon. Making that meeting will take a good chunk out of the day tomorrow. I have nothing else planned but I would like to make some progress on the shelf/frame I started for Mama and Victoria’s coffee bar. With the required applications of varnish needed, it will not be finished tomorrow, but if I can make any progress on that project, it would help. The temperature is forecast to be 105° or more. 107° is the forecast for today but we are not seeing that rise in temperature so far. It is hot, but not as hot as forecasters have predicted. It is also dry. We have a slight chance of rain Sunday and Monday, but it is only a small amount. Any will be appreciated, but we are not setting our expectations high.

If time and energy allow, I am looking at getting some rock and gravel from the quarry. I also need to move some more of the concrete pieces we have at the back of the property into the paddocks so the goats can play on them, but that may have to wait until I have help. Actually, both of those tasks may be more than I can handle right now – especially in this heat.

I do plan on going to church Sunday. At least Sunday morning. That remains to be seen. I will not be able to lead the singing, but I would sure like to be there. If I feel as well as I did this morning, it will be possible. I just do not feel that well for very long. My strength ebbs away quickly as soon as I start moving about and if Saturday wears me out, Sunday will be questionable.

Time will tell.

A good night, pre-op, deliveries, Maggie’s B-day

We had a good night with Rosalee. Mama put her down a little after 8 pm. She fussed a bit but fell asleep within a few minutes, waking this morning at 8 am. Mama and Victoria treated her ears last night and it seemed to help. She is acting like she feels better this morning. She is a happy baby in the mornings as long as you do not ask too much of her. She squirms around on Mama’s lap for a half hour each morning, then gets down to explore.

So far, she has been more interested in keeping close to Mama than in entertaining herself with the many toys we have available in the living room. We are still not able to get her to eat or drink much. That is problematic but I suppose she will eat when she gets hungry or we offer her something she really likes. Unfortunately, we do not what food items she favors. A few bites here and a few bites there is all she takes in. Her not drinking is more problematic than her not eating. Mama is a little more aggressive on that issue, but she is making little headway. Again, since we do not know her preferences, we are experimenting with different offerings. Mama will take her back to Gabriella later this morning. We will miss her.

I laid down last night at the same time that the baby did. I was up before she was but not by much. We stayed home from church last night. I did not have the energy to get ready to go. I needed to water the plants I try to care for every evening because today and tomorrow are supposed to be very hot – over 105° - but I did not have enough energy to do so. I will try to catch up tonight but that remains to be seen. I cannot miss too many evenings, or I will lose the trees and bushes I am trying to baby through the heat and drought. That is why I am hoping that I do not have to stay in the hospital after my procedure. Mama will not trade my health for a few plants, but I worry over them none the less. If I am not able to water them, there is little chance of them getting watered.

Tomorrow morning Mama and I have to be at the hospital for my pre-op bloodwork and surgery-day instructions. The timing is awkward, right in the middle of the morning, but we will make it work. My management has been very generous to me regarding the time I need to make it to these appointments, so I will not have to use personal time off for the appointment. That helps. I am actually looking forward to getting this procedure done next Tuesday in spite of the risks. I’m anxious to find out what is going on so we can treat the issue. If, in fact, it is treatable.

Saturday, Mama and I are delivering two goats to a buyer in Weatherford. It will not be a long trip, thankfully. Mama was working with another buyer who wanted two of our little girl goats, but we have not heard back from that buyer. We all have busy lives to live while we take care of our animal herds. If that sale goes through, we will have done very well marketing our goats this year. Even if that sale does not work out, we will have made significant income from selling goats. The sales we have completed so far will pay for a half year’s supply of feed for all the animals we have on the farm. That is a pretty good tradeoff for our small farming operation.

Today is Maggie’s birthday. I do not know which one, but I know the date. Hopefully, her husband and children give her a special day. Happy Birthday Maggie. 

Baby in the house, class, Grandma, life with Mama

Mama and Victoria kept Rosalee, Seth and Gabriella’s baby, last night. She is not a hard baby to keep. She is busy. She is very mobile. She is attentive to Mama – always looking for approval or disapproval. I am always a little amazed at how well she takes the step into the living room. It is not a big step but most toddlers struggle to get up and down at the step. Even Trace’s Savanna sits down to make the step down. Rosalee simply takes it in stride. Often not even slowing down at all to make the step down. I have stopped panicking as she walks at a brisk pace to the step and steps down without seeming to even notice the elevation change; never looking down to gauge the step. That and the fact that she loves Kobe and Kira makes it easier to keep her than other babies we have from time to time.

Rosalee is teething right now so getting her to sleep was a challenge, but once she relaxed in Mama’s embrace, she fell asleep and slept through the night. Because of the pain in her mouth, she is not wanting to eat or drink, so Mama and Victoria are using all the tricks they know to get her to take in some fluids. She is a very smart child. So far, she seems to know only one sound to verbalize, but she understands most everything Mama and Victoria say to her – even though she is fairly slow to respond to those requests. She is not hesitant because she does not understand. She is slow to respond because she is not often made to follow any commands. At least, it would appear so. Mama and Victoria are working on that slowly and gently. In Mama’s mind, this is a trial period to determine whether or not she would be able to keep Rosalee should Gabriella go back to work. In my mind, that obligation is not merely a question of Mama’s physical ability to meet the constant demands of a toddler in the house, but also the time it would claim that is now spent on her business. We will see how all that works out.

The management at my company worked hard yesterday to find someone to teach the class this morning. I am not sure who they got to fill in. I was not told, and I did not ask but the course is covered. I am glad I arranged for the replacement. I am not doing so well this morning. Not nearly well enough to teach a day-long class. Even a shorter class would not work for me today. Thankfully, I can muddle through at home sitting in front of my computer. Only a few more days and we will know a bit more about my condition. Maggie, as we talked last night, suggested I go to the emergency room and hurry the process, but I am not inclined to do so. All things will come in the proper time – unless I worsen so much that I have to get help prior to the scheduled date. At this point it is a toss-up whether I can wait for my appointment. From my perspective, it is better to wait on the heart cath as the initial diagnostic procedure versus letting a hospital doctor force me through a battery of mostly unnecessary and always expensive tests while the hospital gets the most out of my unscheduled stay. I am not willing at this point to yield myself to someone who does not have a clear path forward concerning my health.

Mama is taking Grandma to a reflexology appointment today. It cannot hurt. In the shape Grandma is in, it will at least bring her some relief even if it offers no long-term solution. She has always loved having her feet massaged. They will take the baby with them to the appointment. That should afford me some peace and quiet for an hour or so. Such is the challenge of working from home. It is not something I have to deal with every day like many of the young mothers that are employed by my company – and it is not an unpleasant distraction. Especially as much as Mama loves having a baby around. It is a fun interaction for her, so it is a fun interaction for me to watch. Part of loving life with Mama.

Chase called and spent a few minutes talking to Mama yesterday. That pleased Mama. Chase, and I suppose Joshua as well, was unaware of the health issues I am dealing with right now. That is kind of sad. In our interactive and highly connected world it is very easy to connect – by phone, text, social media, etc. Unless you choose to stay out of the loop. Other than this blog I am not among the connected. I depend completely on Mama to make those connections. If anything happened to Mama I would have to learn, but I am not inclined to make that effort otherwise; especially since Mama loves the continuous contact.

Why change anything now? It is working so far.

Some better, anniversary, poor timing

Just as yesterday was an improvement over Sunday, today seems to be a little bit better than yesterday. Not by much, but every little bit is appreciated. Even though I was feeling somewhat better yesterday, I had to lay down after Mama and I got through with the evening feeding. I ended up sleeping almost an hour. Meanwhile, Mama and Victoria – who had just gotten home from work – headed to Bridgeport to meet with Mama’s Color Street mentor to learn about different pay methods available through Color Street. Or something along the line. I tried to describe the way I am feeling to Mama, but it does not make much sense to anyone not experiencing the issue. I do not feel weak. I just feel exhausted. I can summon up the energy to throw around 50-pound sacks of feed – for a few minutes. Those bags of feed do not feel any heavier than before. I have the strength, I just run out of energy very quickly. Even though I do not feel as exhausted as I did yesterday, I can sense that I am not well. Not strong.

My biggest concern at the moment is the class I am supposed to teach tomorrow. I do not want to admit that I may not be able to do eight hours of lecture in a face-to-face setting, but I may not be able. The issue is, I will not know for sure unless I try. So, which is more frustrating and embarrassing, to try and fail or to admit I may not be able? Which is better for the company, to ask for backup or to risk poorly representing my company? I have to err on the side of bowing out and hoping someone is available for the class. I am anxious for this to be over but at the very least, I will have to wait until next Tuesday for the heart cath to, hopefully, reveal a clear path forward. If that procedure were not already scheduled, I would be very tempted to drag myself to the emergency room and get something done.

Today, if my notes are correct, is Maggie and Aaron’s anniversary. I do not know which one, but it has to be more than six. I think. Congrats Maggie and Aaron, which ever anniversary this is. I would be interested to know how many times they have moved in the years they have been married – including their most recent relocation. Since that seemed to be a topic of much discussion between Maggie and Brittany before they married and began their own series of moves. Given the opportunity, I will make certain my grandchildren and I have long discussions about that. Payback is fun.

The Lord has been really blessing our farm lately. Mama received payment for two goats this morning. We will meet the buyer Saturday in Weatherford. She is also working with another buyer for the sale of one of our little girls. That will bring us down to a manageable number of does (8) and bucks (2). We were praying that the little buck we held back from the sale in Bowie would go to a good home. Now he is. He is small, well formed, beautifully marked and a great myotonic fainter. I am glad we held him back.

Mama called, at my request, to see how far out the schedule was at the meat processors to get a couple lambs processed. Our hope was that we could buy two lambs and have them processed before Nate and Cori got here. Sadly, that is not going to happen. The earliest date they could offer us was mid-November. Not overly surprising, but the timing was a little disappointing. For the cow we have at the farm, the date for processing her is November of 2021. Mama and I were shocked. We expected a couple months out for the beef, but not 18 months. We went ahead and set the appointment, but it may be a challenge to remember to keep it.

This is a strange new world we are living in.

Rough weekend, Mama, Maggie’s move

 

Saturday was a struggle for me. I managed to get a couple things done other than feeding and watering, but not much. Mama and Victoria made it home later that evening. By then I was spent. They had a wonderful visit with Brittany and the girls. Sunday was an entirely different story. A soon as I was up, I realized something was not right. I was not sure what, but I did not seem to be able to function properly. After I helped Mama do the morning feeding, I had to lay down. I slept until 2 pm. When I took my blood pressure that afternoon it was 100/60. It seemed like a chore to get from one area of the house to another. I missed both services. I missed most of the day. I slept most of the afternoon and all last night.

Unfortunately, I do not feel much better this morning, but my blood pressure is approaching normal. Mama, Victoria, and I think my episode yesterday was brought on by one of the two blood pressure meds I am taking. That is sheer speculation on our parts because I have been taking that med for months now without the issues I had yesterday. I discontinued that medication today so we will be able to see if that makes a difference in my energy levels and my blood pressure. I have today and tomorrow to heal up in order to teach a face-to-face class Wednesday. Should I not recover sufficiently be then, we will have to scrounge to find a replacement instructor for that class. Friday is my pre-op work at the hospital and next Tuesday is the heart cath. After that we should have a more insightful diagnosis as to my current malaise. I hate feeling useless, so I helped Mama with the feeding this morning. Maybe I should not have.

Mama has a lot on her plate over the next few weeks. We are getting ready for the September birthday bash we are planning.  Most of the pressing issues deal with getting the house ready for visitors. Sadly, I may not be much help to her for a few days. I seem to be on an increasingly declining slope with my heart condition. If that is the root cause of why I feel the way I do. I told Mama the other night that my biggest fear is that we will come out of the procedure and be told that it is bad, but not bad enough to do anything about yet – like I was told about both my back and my colon. I do not expect that kind of report, but I have been disappointed before.

Back to Mama, with the first week of August being her best week ever, she is excited to see how she can keep that momentum going. (Meanwhile, I am anxious to see if I can get any momentum going.) She has a good bit of follow-up planned today as well as planning several live broadcasts. Her and Victoria’s time with Brittany encouraged her to really get her business growing. She would like to have the money to do more for her children and grandchildren. Her groups are growing larger by the week and she has been able to make great contacts in several new areas of the United States. The missionary wife in Mexico that is helping her with a party among her friends in Mexico and the United stated has been a real inspiration to Mama. It is fun to see Mama grow in this area of her life.

Maggie and Aaron spent the weekend exploring their new home. They are liking it so far. They attended their first service at a church in their town. I think they liked it as well. But this morning, Maggie found out that their belongings will not get there today. Needless to say, she was upset – especially about not having her bed. From what I could gather from the conversation she and Mama were having, the movers were being pretty vague about here their stuff might be. That can be troubling, but there are not many times movers lose all the items the are transporting. When we relocated to Amarillo from New Jersey, the movers had to write me a check for about $4000 to reimburse me for items not accounted for upon delivery. Like Maggie and Aaron, not much of our stuff was worth stealing – even though it was valuable to us. We are praying that the movers will get their act together and get their belongings to them soon. Perhaps today or tomorrow. God is certainly willing and able. Sometimes He just decides to check out our faith by not meeting our expectations or our preferred timetable. Far too often we murmur more quickly and more loudly than we pray.

Even with my current issues, I have better health than a lot of others. I am just waiting to see if the condition can be improved – or if will be with me until the Lord calls me home.

Safe travels, good classes, anniversary, weekend plans

 Mama and Victoria made it safely to Brittany’s yesterday. They needed some more specific directions once they got to Wichita because they did not know exactly how to get to the base, but I assume they found it easily enough because it was several hours before Mama contacted me again. When she did, she was surrounded by the twins as she held Audrey. Mama and I live such a peaceful, quiet life here on the farm that it is always a shock to be back in the world of active, rambunctious, loudly competing little voices. It is always fun, but it is always a little overwhelming. She and Victoria are having a great time with the girls. The twins adore Victoria. The feeling is reciprocated in full. Savanna is the same towards Victoria. It is fun to watch the interaction when any of those three are with Victoria. It is as if Victoria becomes a very different person in those settings. It takes an emotional toll on her, but she manages in short bursts. Almost all babies fall in love with Mama during the first contact. She is in her element when she has a baby in her arms.

Both Claude, a coworker, and I taught online classes yesterday. His went significantly longer than mine because the group he was teaching has been working with him on a yearlong project to get their company up and running in our system. There were far more questions and subsequent demonstrations of our system during his class. That is good. I was able to get some pointers for my presentation which will be added to the next class I teach. Always learning. It was the first time we, as a company, have done two online classes at the same time. Our management was impressed. For us, it is a very inexpensive alternative to in-person instruction, and it seems to provide very nearly the same level of engagement we get in a live setting. I am warming to the format. In this current national upheaval, online classes certainly help us meet our client’s needs in this COVID panicked world.

My and Mama’s 38^th anniversary is tomorrow. We will not get to spend it together, but Mama will be enjoying the fruits of our lives together. I wish I could be there as well, but work would not allow me to share that trip with Mama. It would have been a good anniversary present for both of us. Instead, I am feeding, watering and dog sitting. It is my turn to cover the farm chores while Mama gets some time off. I am not complaining, just making an observation. I would say that our animals do not care who feeds them, but that would not be true. They very much prefer when Mama does the feeding. She gives the animals far more time and attention than Victoria and I do. For us it is a chore, a duty. For Mama it is a pleasure, an expression of her interest in them. Somehow, they know – especially the chickens.

When I look back on Mama’s and my time together, I cannot say it has been a continual joy, but I has been close to that. Mama is a delightful person to be with. In spite of the hardships and hassles, in spite of the setbacks and struggles, in spite of the worries and woes that this life has brought us over our years together, I have stronger and more vibrant memories of the of the laughter and loving, the pleasant conversations and peaceful moments, the happy and downright hilarious times together. We have laughed far more than we have cried. We have snuggled and hugged far more than we have argued. We have met life headlong as a team overcoming each trial together – through God’s grace. We have spent our time enjoying each other’s company…and will continue to do so as long as the Lord allows.  

I do not have a long list for this weekend. I do not make long lists right now. Of the few items I do have listed, most are not large projects. I would not have the energy for any large projects, but I can certainly get a few small things done before I wear out, so that is my goal. Mama and Victoria will be back late tomorrow. Neither of them wanted to stay over to Sunday. Better to be home and go to church with our family here. Both of them will be worn out but our Sunday’s are typically very laid back. With the abbreviated services and the lack of Sunday School prior to the morning service as well as foregoing the Men’s and Lady’s meetings before the evening service, we have a pretty easy Sunday schedule. With my current health struggles, that is the kind of schedule I need.

Like Mr. Plumley, I’m doing the best I can.

Income shift, canceled class, dry, travel tomorrow

Mama got some very good news yesterday. Her bonus earnings for the month of July – paid out at the first of August – were $600. Along with her commissions from sales and the product credit she was given for the month the cumulative total is over $1000. That is pretty amazing. Especially considering that she has only been selling Color Street for about six months. Go Mama! Victoria is doing well also and is contributing to the business in multiple ways that help Mama.

Yesterday afternoon my immediate supervisor called me to let me know that I had been given a raise. We, as a company, have been struggling lately to cover all the class we have offered. To make the schedule work, I have been assigned classes every week, sometimes multiple classes per week, through the end of the year. That is not practical. Crystal, my supervisor, referred to the Instructor Led Training Program as a house of cards. An appropriate reference. It does not allow me any vacation or sick time. Any little hiccup in the system and we will fail. All in all, I believe it will work out, but we are walking a little too close to the edge. On the bright side, the company recognizes the contribution I am trying to make, and they stepped up to thank me in the most practical way possible. The raise I was given is a significant one and I am thankful for the recognition and the reward. It will make a difference. Now if we can get our houses rented in Lawton, that will help as well.

My class was canceled today because no one signed up for the class. Not surprising this time of the year.  I do have an 8-hour online class tomorrow. Claude, a coworker and fellow instructor, will be teaching the same class for a different client at the same time I am teaching my class. That is the kind of schedule we are having to keep…and it flows through the end of the year. I talked with Crystal about the tidal wave of requests we will be receiving once travel restrictions are lifted – either late this year or early next year. That schedule will be impossible for me to meet alone without traveling every week. Doing multiple classes in one area each week. That prospect is not exciting to me. My company is looking for solutions that meet their budget constraints, but we are a little behind the curve. So far, we are keeping up, but the week I go for my procedure, we have not found anyone to replace me for the class on the day following that procedure. I have been advised that I will not be very comfortable – or very mobile – for several days following the procedure because of the incision required on my inner thigh. The vein there must be accessed for the procedure. The cut is not large, but it is in a sensitive area and will provide a certain level of discomfort. It will also limit my activities through the end of the week at least. Sounds like fun.

The dry weather continues here. Not the least unexpected but it does cause us some extra work as we struggle to keep certain plants alive. I do not mind the extra work. It is low impact enough that I can do it without too much trouble. Even still, by the time I go out to water – about 7:30 – I am pretty well shot for the day. That little chore uses up the energy I have left. Oh well, at least I am sleeping better.

Mama and Victoria are traveling tomorrow. They are going to Brittany’s. The original purpose of the trip was to keep the girls while Britany and Andrew closed on their house. Sadly, that is not happening this weekend. It is always a little complicated selling a house and the buyers are dealing with some complications selling their house before they can close on Brittany and Andrew’s house. That closing is postponed but Mama and Victoria’s travel is not. Victoria already requested the time off and it cannot be rescheduled on her part. So, they are heading out mid-day tomorrow. They will get to see Brittany’s on-base housing. The timing is good especially since I can work from home Friday and take care of the morning feeding.

Mama always worries about that.